It’s 10:30 PM.. I’m sitting on the couch, scarfing chocolate down my throat and drinking a cup of coffee with tears streaming down my face.. I was defeated. By what may shock you.. I was defeated by a little blue eyed, blond hair two year old little girl.
What happened moments before was a moment in motherhood where I was engaging in a series of battles.. By battles I mean bedtime.. A 4 hour bedtime that kept starting over and over again. She gets out, I put her back. She gets out, I put her back.
I was at my limit, I didn’t know what else to do. I yelled, I lost my cool and so did she. She was throwing things and I was loosing my mind. Bedtime was not fun and it saddened me.. I always wanted bedtime to be our last moment of connection before they drifted off in sweet dreams but instead I feared bedtime because I didn’t know how Liya would react. She just didn’t want to go to bed. I was tired and stressed and loosing my wits when at another attempt she walks out once again. Only this time it was different.
She had a blanket around her, carrying 3 or 4 beanie boos in her hands, came out and said “Mama, I want to lay with you” I wanted to put her back in bed, I wanted to be alone and watch netflix and forget about the stress of bedtime.. But I was to tired for another round of argueing and loosing it with my baby girl. So I gave in. I scooted over making room for her and all of the stuffed animals. She lays down right next to me, touches my face and says “Mama, I’m sorry for not listening” And with tear filled eyes it hit me.. She’s not getting out of bed because she’s naughty or because she wants to be disobedient she’s getting out of bed because she needs more of me before she shuts her eyes. She needs more cuddles, more kisses, more love and more gentleness. She needs me.
I was listening to a podcast the other day from Sally Clarkson and she talked about how if you want your child to do something every single day without forgetting or complaining, you need to make it fun for them.. So recently, I’ve been putting them to bed at night and if Liya feels the need too I let her come out and lay with me quietly until she falls asleep while I read my book or watch my show. I rub her head, put a oil on her feet and almost always she is out within 15 minutes.
It was than when I realized how to reach my passionate, fiery, and fiesty baby girl.. I can’t fight her fire with my fire.. The flames were just getting bigger and leaving us both crazy. But when I treat her with love and gently correct her and love her just like water the flames disappear..
Night time has went from being the most stressful time of day to the sweetest. Even though most nights I would still rather her just fall asleep in her own bed but I hope I will always carry the memory picture in my head of her walking to my bed with her big pink blanket and five stuffed animals.