Kingdom Parenting · Motherhood · parenting · Uncategorized · What Holy Spirit is teaching me

Maybe your strong willed toddler just needs you.

toddlerIt’s 10:30 PM.. I’m sitting on the couch, scarfing chocolate down my throat and drinking a cup of coffee with tears streaming down my face.. I was defeated. By what may shock you.. I was defeated by a little blue eyed, blond hair two year old little girl.

What happened moments before was a moment in motherhood where I was engaging in a series of battles.. By battles I mean bedtime.. A 4 hour bedtime that kept starting over and over again. She gets out, I put her back. She gets out, I put her back.

I was at my limit, I didn’t know what else to do. I yelled, I lost my cool and so did she. She was throwing things and I was loosing my mind. Bedtime was not fun and it saddened me.. I always wanted bedtime to be our last moment of connection before they drifted off in sweet dreams but instead I feared bedtime because I didn’t know how Liya would react. She just didn’t want to go to bed. I was tired and stressed and loosing my wits when at another attempt she walks out once again. Only this time it was different. IMG_9097_result

She had a blanket around her, carrying 3 or 4 beanie boos in her hands, came out and said “Mama, I want to lay with you”  I wanted to put her back in bed, I wanted to be alone and watch netflix and forget about the stress of bedtime.. But I was to tired for another round of argueing and loosing it with my baby girl. So I gave in. I scooted over making room for her and all of the stuffed animals. She lays down right next to me, touches my face and says “Mama, I’m sorry for not listening”  And with tear filled eyes it hit me.. She’s not getting out of bed because she’s naughty or because she wants to be disobedient she’s getting out of bed because she needs more of me before she shuts her eyes. She needs more cuddles, more kisses, more love and more gentleness. She needs me.

I was listening to a podcast the other day from Sally Clarkson and she talked about how if you want your child to do something every single day without forgetting or complaining, you need to make it fun for them.. So recently, I’ve been putting them to bed at night and if Liya feels the need too I let her come out and lay with me quietly until she falls asleep while I read my book or watch my show. I rub her head, put a oil on her feet and almost always she is out within 15 minutes.


It was than when I realized how to reach my passionate, fiery, and fiesty baby girl.. I can’t fight her fire with my fire.. The flames were just getting bigger and leaving us both crazy. But when I treat her with love and gently correct her and love her just like water the flames disappear..

Night time has went from being the most stressful time of day to the sweetest. Even though most nights I would still rather her just fall asleep in her own bed but I hope I will always carry the memory picture in my head of her walking to my bed with her big pink blanket and five stuffed animals.



His presence · Kingdom Parenting · Motherhood · Papa · parenting · The garden · Uncategorized · waiting · What Holy Spirit is teaching me

Give me Your eyes


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I’m in a season in life right now where I’m feeling easily discouraged.. Do you ever have those moments when you want to be at point Z and you feel stuck at point B? And you feel like you’ve been stuck there for a while now and you wonder how you are going to move forward and it feels like everyone is getting there except you?? Yea, that’s Kind of how I felt last night. I have so many dreams and my heart is filled with such hope. But I feel so limited sometimes.. And getting on social media and seeing people living what I feel like is my dream doesn’t make it easier. Do ya feel me?

But this morning I am feeling the Presence of Holy Spirit strongly as His encouragement and strength fills the inner being of my beloved soul. “Look through my eyes” He whispers and that’s when I see that where I am is exactly where I need to be. Right here. Right now. It’s not for forever. It’s not my destination. It’s my journey. My journey that has no limits and has no rival.

I believe all of us go through seasons such as this.. A season of uncertainty. A season that seems hopeless when the enemy tries to whisper in your mind saying “You have no future”. And we sometimes in our insecurity and unknown we wonder if he’s right.

But I’m learning that in these seasons that they will either build us or break us. It depends on what we place our hope in and whether we decide to be brave enough to choose joy in the unknown and uncertain. I’m learning our destination is determined by whose eyes we look through.

In this generation there are lots of eyes that we look through every day. We have our eyes, we have eyes from every single person we follow on social media and we have His eyes. And every eye, every perspective will show us different things about us.

When we look through the eyes of social media we are looking into the lives of every single person we follow.. Now don’t get me wrong. I LOVE social media. It has been a huge blessing in my life and I believe God uses it in amazing ways. However if we are not looking at it through Papas eyes it can lead us down a road of destruction and weariness and that’s  kind of what was going on with me last night. If we’re not careful we can easily look through social media and see the picture perfect life of others and think to ourselves that that is how our lives are meant to be. We think we should have big beautiful houses like them, or happy smiley babies like them, or amazing supportive husbands like them or an awesome money making job like them or we should have success like them or the amount of followers.. We begin to look at them as our rival and not as our sisters when truth is the last thing you are going to see when you look at your sister’s instagram page is God’s perfect plan for your life. Instead you’re looking at God’s perfect plan for theirs.

But when you look through God’s eyes  you don’t look at what you should have or who you should be or what you should be doing. You don’t see your sisters as rivals, you don’t become discouraged about the season you’re in. When you look through God’s eyes you see who you truly are. A mighty daughter of God that was born to thrive right now that is filled with hope for the future. Because even though you don’t see the future you have  full confidence in the one who holds it.

Sisters.. This week look through Papas eyes. And know that His plans for you are good and His thoughts for you are good. Because He is good.

Watch my my youtube video coffee chat below this morning for more encouragement on this topic.


His presence · Kingdom Parenting · Motherhood · Papa · The garden · Uncategorized · waiting · What Holy Spirit is teaching me

He’s just that good.

hesthatgoodwWe’re moving in April of 2018.. We were actually planning on moving last April but with our baby being born I didn’t want her newborn stage being crammed with packing and moving since the newborn stage is so sweet and so short lived. So we decided to stay in our little apartment for one more year.. I love this little apartment of ours. It’s mine. It’s my very first home so it is gonna be super bittersweet when we pack our bags and leave however, as Madeline starts to get older we are definitely needing more space so these last two weeks I have been searching on Zillow for places and homes we want to move to.

The other day I was scrolling through zillow and I came across this beautiful home for sale. 5 bedroom, finished basement, screened back porch, beautiful backyard, fireplace. Pretty much the home of my dreams. I reached over to click “save home” when I heard the voice inside saying

“Do you really think you’ll ever own a home this nice?”

“Do you really think God is going to come through? Because you guys haven’t been the best with your finances. Why would He help you?”

‘Do you really think you will ever be able to afford the home you’ve dreamed about for you’re family?”

After letting those sentences play again and again in my mind I redirected my searches and clicked on apartment homes.. Not something I want but maybe something I deserve..Not something I dreamed of but maybe something more realistic.

As I was scrolling through apartments and settling for a more realistic dream I felt Papa whisper to  my Spirit saying “you really still don’t get it do you? You really don’t understand yet just how good I Am!”

And just like that a replay went on in my head.. A replay of everything He has done for me not because I deserve it but simply because He loves me so much.. More than I can fathom. He sent His only sun to die the worst death imaginable just so He could have me. He got down into the dirt, got creative and created me and since then He’s done nothing but love me with mercy that triumphs over judgement and impossibility.

You know, sometimes I think Satan puts thoughts in our minds.. Thoughts of doubt, questions and wondering if Papa is really that good? That good to give abundance to the undeserving. I think he puts these thoughts in our heads because when we think this way we don’t even bother to ask our Papa.. When the Bible clearly says matt7

Just maybe Papa wants us to dream big, to step out of the boxes and throw all doubts aside. Maybe just maybe Papa wants us to get our hopes up because when we partner with Him in this life. When we give our lives to Him and recognize Him as our amazing Daddy you won’t be able to help but dream big knowing that  He will come through because I am learning that He is just that good!

miscarriage and infertility · Motherhood · parenting · pregnancy · truth · Uncategorized

He is our hope.

heisourhope With October being the month where we remember and think about the precious little lives that left us too soon it was my hearts desire to write a post for you.. What would I write to you? I had no idea. The last thing I wanted to do was add salt to your wound with my attempt to encourage you so I let this post sit on the back burner until I got something.

I was listening to Amanda Cook’s album “A brand new world” which is my absolute favorite album right now and I fell into the song “A city of hope” and immediately I thought of you. In the beginning of the song it says:

“Once we were a Barren land.
 Dry from disappointment
But Heaven like a heavy rain
Revealed Your heart to us”.

And the chorus goes:

“You are mending the brokenhearted.  
You are making all things new. 
You’re rebuilding out of the ruins
 A city of hope with the ones you love.”

The closest thing I came to a miscarriage was going through the process with one of my closest friends Sarah. I remember the very first time she told me she was pregnant with her second and I was so excited to be pregnant with her and her calling me days later that she was going through an Ectopic pregnancy  was a complete brokenhearted shock and than a few months later being pregnant again and loosing him to a miscarriage. I remember praying over her, crying with her, and fighting for this little life with her.  I wouldn’t dare say I knew what she was going through.. The thought is unimaginable for me but my heart was still broken and I wept heavily many times. I wanted to be there in person for her and love her. I sought The Lord those few months and demanded answers. It’s so obvious miscarriages and infant loss is not God’s will.. And in my answer demanding The scripture said it all.

“The Thief comes to steal, kill and destroy: I (Jesus) have come so that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly” -John 10:10

May we not hope in death but hope in life. May we put our hope in Jesus. The one who takes situations and tragedies that leave us broken and devastated and brings us to a city of hope and makes all things new. And what the devil means for a lifetime of despair God can take it, renew it and use it for  good!

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called to according to His purpose”. – Romans 8:28

And my heart is so full of joy that God has built His city of hope and placed my friend Sarah and her husband in the midst of it as their sweet  Elliana Joy whose name means “God answers” Their rainbow baby turns 2 this month.

My sisters, God does not want you to live a life of devastation. He doesn’t want you to be brokenhearted and it is not His will for you to try to get pregnant and have it end in death. He says in Exodus that none will miscarry or be barren in your land. (Exodus 23:26) Why do miscarriages and infant death happen then if it’s not God’s will? You know, that’s a question that I don’t have all the answers to and I’m not going to pretend too either however, what I do know  is that it’s God’s will for life and He is a God who chooses life. He’s a pro-life God! And I know like He has done for Sarah He wants to do for you. He wants to bless you with a miracle baby and He wants you to place your hope in Him. He wants to heal your heart from hurts that are unbearable and He wants to bring good out of what the enemy meant for harm.

My prayer for you today sister is that you are filled with His hope and that you will listen to Amanda’s song “A city of hope” and be filled with The Holy spirit and not give up. I’m friends with many of you and I’ve seen pictures all month of moms with their pregnant belly who didn’t get the chance of kissing their faces, tickling their feet,  knowing what they looked like or watching them grow into the man or woman God created them to be. And scrolling down the many pictures my heart breaks for you and Jesus wants to place you in a city of hope my dear sisters. A place of joy, overflowing peace and new beginnings and not forget about the sweet child that you carried for so many weeks or months but look back and know that God still has the victory because those sweet babies are with Jesus.

If you are a mom who struggled with miscarriages or infant loss and you need encouragement and prayer please don’t hesitate to email me at I would love to pray for you and help in any way I can.

Kingdom Parenting · Motherhood · parenting · pregnancy · Uncategorized

Don’t Blink.

IMG_9108_result“Don’t blink. Because just like that you’re 6 years old and you take a nap. Then you wake up and you’re 25 and your high school sweetheart becomes your wife. Don’t blink. You just might miss your babies growing like my did. Turning into Moms and dads.”

I remember when that song came out for the first time when I was a teenager.. I remember it having absolutely no effect on me in fact, I would continue to scroll through the radio looking for a different song but now.. I get it!

I listened to it for the first time ever being a parent on repeat and nearly cried my eyes out. “Don’t blink. You just might miss your babies growing like mine did.” And it got me to thinking. I never do. I never want to miss my babies growing. I look back now and I see not just how fast life goes by when you’re having fun but also how precious it is too!

It honestly feels like my babies were just born.. I literally remember each part about that day and it was both 5, 3 and 5 months ago!

So, I’m reminded today that in the hard, the tough, the boring and the happy.. Don’t blink. Because even in the boring you might just miss them growing.

His presence · Kingdom Parenting · Motherhood · Papa · parenting · The garden · truth · Uncategorized · What Holy Spirit is teaching me

The Garden.

IMG_9014_resultRight now my daughter Evelynne’s favorite movie is “The Chronicles of Narnia” Also known as “The Lion, witch and the wardrobe”. So it was no surprise when we were having mommy/daughter time that was the movie she wanted to watch.. So I grabbed the popcorn, we laid on the couch and started to watch it..Not really expecting a vision or a conversation with Papa over it..

However, this isn’t the first time when Holy Spirit met me through a movie or TV show.. He’s so unpredictable and can teach you anything through anything if you have the ears to listen.. He speaks to me through a lot of movies like “Trolls” “Moanna” and has left me in tears with every one.. Even “Frozen” yes. Frozen. But those are blog posts for another time. 😉IMG_9173_result

As we were watching it, I was scrolling through my phone, not really paying attention to the movie because I’ve seen it a million times however, suddenly a certain scene caught my Spirit.. It was the scene when Lucy was running to hide from Peter during a game of Hide and seek. And there she finds the wardrobe..And in the wardrobe she finds a secret world.. A world in a different world. A different realm. A different Kingdom. A kingdom where she was queen. And in that moment God spoke to me.

“That wardrobe is available to you, I need you to find it”.

I was like, what? I thought maybe I was eating too much popcorn.. So I didn’t pay any mind.. But through this movie God kept speaking to me.. And eventually I got it.

God was referring the wardrobe to the Garden.. The secret place where He longs to be with us. To walk in the coolness of the day with us.. The secret place where intimacy is made. Where we truly realize who we are in Him. Where we are recognized as daughters of a King. THE King.

I answered. “God where is this wardrobe? Where can I find the garden?”

And He answered “It’s found in the secret place.. It’s found when you’re most hungry. It’s found when you can’t live another day without me. It’s found in grace and it’s found in surrender.

And that’s when it hit me..His presence isn’t found in the amount of time I give or reading the bible, or serving others or whatever… It’s found in surrender.. Time that is surrendered to a King who deserves every ounce of my being.. IMG_9157_result

Papa is calling us.. His princesses to come back to the Garden. To walk with Him in the coolness of the day. To spend time with Him. To receive and use that direct access where we can enter into the presence of Papa boldly thanks to a Savior that gave His life to restore our relationship with our Papa again..

He wants our time with Him to be so much more than just Bible reading and memorization.. He wants to meet all of us uniquely and consistently..

But we need to surrender.. Surrender our to-do lists, the rush,  our Idea of what time with Him should be like or look like. We need to surrender the boxes of religion, limits and doubts and if you are one who feels called to meet with Papa in the morning you may need to surrender sleep.. Because that’s where The Garden is.. That’s where He is. In a place of beautiful surrender.

Kingdom Parenting · Motherhood · Papa · parenting · truth · Uncategorized · What Holy Spirit is teaching me

What makes me a confident mama.

IMG_9111_resultA confident mom. I used to think a confident mom was a beautiful, fit, all together lovely and just perfect. Perfect house, perfect husband, perfect homemaking and was loved by everyone. She was an image I had in my head. The mom I was going to be and the mom I never was and because of that I would see myself and only see flaws.
I’d be on facebook/pinterest/instagram and without thought I’d slip into the trap. The trap of mistaking every mom on there is as perfect as the confident mom I had imaged in my head. And my girls were stuck with me. “They didn’t deserve me for their mom” was a lie I repeated to myself many nights.
But God came to my rescue and saved me and forgave me for my self bullying. He saved me with these simple, freeing and powerful words.
“On your own, you will never be put together, you’ll never get it perfect and on your own you’ll never be confident. Let’s try doing this Motherhood in Me and I’ll show you what a confident mom is!”
I’m not confident because of me or who I am. In fact on my own I’m so clueless and scattered into a million pieces. (Yea, that woman who left her credit card on the starbucks counter? Me.) And until now I was a mom who was just surviving. And if I just survived that day somehow  was satisfied but completely not. I wanted more for me, I wanted more for my children and the fact I was just surviving meant I wasn’t fulfilling my kingdom calling as a mom to it’s fullest.
I would tell everyone who asked me how I was doing and not really realizing how doubtful I sounded I would say with bags under my eyes “It’s just all about survival for me now.”
And I honestly believe I’m not the only mom has ever felt that way because motherhood really is a tiring job that requires more than you on your own can give. It’s constantly busy and most of the time demanding.  I remember waking up every morning just feeling tired and speaking that over my day. “Man, I’m so tired” I’m already ready for this day to be over”.
Now, I know the secret to being a confident mom and like I said it’s not me. It’s nothing I do or have done but it’s who I put my trust in. Moms the secret to being a confident mom is knowing who God is and who He is in you!
I’ve tried to do it on my own so many times.. But at the end of the day I was always exhausted, always doubted myself and I was never good enough. But praise God that He is enough. He sustains me.
What makes me a confident mom or just even a confident woman in general. It’s knowing who I am in Christ and remembering His promises.
Not dwelling on the mistakes I’ve made but just trying my hardest every day and giving Him the glory for it and knowing that in Him I will not fail.
 I think the biggest problems we have as moms is not that we’re doing it wrong but we’re putting all of motherhood on ourselves which runs us dry. But God wants to be our help.
So, here are some ways I find my confidence in God and how I’m confident in Him.
I try to meet with Him every morning// It is my goal every morning to not let my kids beat me up. I can’t even tell you the difference it makes in my life daily. And if somehow I don’t get up that morning I spend time with Him at night because I believe that’s when the day really starts 🙂
I remember scripture//  There is so much good stuff for us in there to dwell on and remember.It’s our sword ladies and if we don’t know how to use it how will we use it in times of trouble?
Speak life over your day// It’s so true that life and death are in the power of your tongue. So speak life over your day even when it feels like your day is off to a bad start.speak life! God has been challenging me to remember that He gives me rest. So, I try to remember to speak God’s strength over my day.